just give me what i need

 

 

 

this past week our squad had month one debrief (a time where we rest and reflect on the time we have spent on the race so far). we knew that after debrief, half of our squad would move to a different part of romania for the next two months. team xanadou & anthem, led by taylor upchurch, cami ramon, philip wilson, and jacob lewe went to a small city called draganesti. the remaining two teams hygge and parameno, led by  aidyn carnes, olivia wouters, and i, stayed here in craiova where we’ve been living the first month. we also knew that at the end of debrief, we would have to depart with kate goeler, our squad mentor, until we see her again in december after team leading is over. 

 

for the past year of my life, i have had the honor to grow in friendship with our leadership team. they are some of my favorite people on planet earth, and each and every one of them has taught me something vastly different about The Lord, Jesus Christ, and Holy Spirit. saying goodbye to these people i love has been one of the saddest and most joyous things i’ve ever had to do. 

 

so for the week of debrief, i knew i wanted to spend time together as a family and cherish the last days of this season well. 

 

here’s how that week went. 

 

this was aidyn, cami, and i’s last night living in the same house. these two women have loved me relentlessly the past year of my life. i have learned so much about myself and God from them.

we make a unique trio, combining aidyn’s wisdom and mercy and creativity, cami’s joy and hospitality and compassion, and my zeal and discernment and resilience. i love these sisters of mine, and it has been the best privilege to lead with them for the first month of romania. 

 

on our last full day together, some of my favorite men (taytay, philip, & jacob), got each of the women on our leadership team flowers and wrote individual notes. they missed part of our squad party to go get the flowers. not only that, but philip woke up at 5:30am to set them up on the living room table of our hostel so that when we woke up, it’d be like christmas. and like christmas, it was. as if waking up to intentional flowers and handwritten notes wasn’t enough, there was more.

no, they didn’t just get us random flowers, they prayed about each one and picked them out not even knowing the significance behind each one, but trusting that the flowers would be a good fit for each of us.

i recieved a single, burnt orange celosia. the symbolism behind this flower is boldness.
not only is boldness something i try to daily live out, but on the notes the men wrote for me, the word “bold” was everywhere.

aidyn received a bundle of electric orange daisies. these represent new life & motherhood, something aidyn has a big heart for. when i told aidyn this, she said her “womb leaped for joy”! 

cami received a big yellow sunflower. if you know cami, i don’t need to explain why that is so accurate for her. but if you don’t know cami, she is a bundle of light and joy, effervescent and bubbly, always leaning towards the light like a sunflower.

kate received a purple tulip, which represents royalty. earlier this month, taylor got a vision of kate as a queen (which makes sense because we are all heirs with Christ. that and kate is a latina princess). so amazing.

finally, olivia received seven orange roses, a combination of a red rose and a yellow rose. each bud of these roses represents love, friendship, and enthusiasm… olivia wouters in a nutshell.

i am so blessed to have these brothers of mine, who love us everyday by living out john 15:3 to the deepest extent. to the future wives of taylor (hi jamilyn hahaha), philip, and jacob: prepare to be loved abundantly and individually and so so well.

 

 

after we received our flowers, we got coffee together made by our friend andre at tecaffe, and we climbed a mountain, taking with us only our water bottles, book bags, bibles, and friends nathan and anna. 

 

 

remember how cami got a sunflower? she carried it with her up the entire mountain and made it into a bouquet (which is the most cami thing ever). cami sees the beautiful things in life and makes them even more beautiful. 

 

halfway up the mountain, we arrived here.

we read scripture aloud on these prairies,

we napped in these glorious pastures,

we drank up the sunlight.

 

before ascending the rest of the mountain, i gathered flowers and grass and wheat to make a flower crown for aidy because she is a queen and heir with Christ. 

 

on the climb down, cami jumped up on this fallen branch. cami has the energy of a 5 year old who has eaten pixi sticks for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and i… do not. this is me telling her, “do you really expect me to climb that!?”

 

 

we said goodbye at the train station. rainbow promises showed up in all our goodbye pictures.

 

         

 

“holy moly, me oh my, you’re the apple of my eye, yeah i never loved one like you.”

 

 

the views from the train ride back to craiova made me sit in awe of God the Creator. autumn is my favorite season and i was overjoyed to get to experience the beautiful evergreen trees in the midst of the orange and red deciduous trees. 

 

on the train ride home, philip and i listened to the song “on the train ride home” on repeat (how fitting). while listening to the secular lyrics, i realized they were exactly the sacred prayer i needed to pray over myself and for the rest of my life. here are those lyrics:

 

 

“i want someone to grow with
 songs i can sing to
 and a family to cling to
 but if i can’t get the things i want
 if i can’t get the things i want
 just give me what i need“

 

life with these people i’ve grown with, sang with, and built a family with has been one of the best and hardest seasons of my life, one that my heart wants all the time. and so when i’m left without these very good people and this very good season, it’s then that i am especially brought into deeper dependence with the Father, who is the one thing we need. these people are some of the greatest gifts i’ve ever received. i’m thankful that even though life with them is temporary, life with God is not. Thank you, Lord.

 

jakey, phil, cam, & taytay, i love you guys and miss y’all. be bold and live the fullest and most abundant life you can. i’m so grateful for the times we’ve had together. 

 

love, 

kori